Apparently, parents save up those awful, annoying things that we do as kids. Then, when we're adults, they reimagine those things into something even worse. My mother is a champ at this. First of all, she is TRULY relentless with the telephone. If I do not answer the phone, she will call the cell. If I don't answer that, she calls the house again. Believe me -- this is VERY annoying when I'm in the shower or otherwise using the bathroom.
Today was payback for "are we there yet". They were coming to pick me up. I got sidetracked weeding the yard, and when she called and asked if I was ready, I asked her to give me 10 minutes. I was getting into the shower 2 minutes later when the phone rang again (I have ident-a-ring, so yes, I know who it was!). I got into the shower. The cell phone rang. I let that go, too.
I asked for ten minutes. This does NOT mean that you call every two minutes and ask if I'm ready yet. In the time it takes to answer the phone and tell you my status, I could be making more progress in getting ready. Okay. I feel better now. Thanks.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Attack of the Killer Picture
There are a few laws of physics that apply only to me. If it is flying through the air, it will hit me in the eye. If it is falling, it will land on my foot.
I have a picture in my bathroom. It's quite nice - an undersea series of colorful, interesting fish in a very sturdy metal frame. But I'm not very good at hanging pictures. And I sometimes have balance issues. Especially when I first wake up.
My bathroom is 6x6. Amazingly, everything fits in there that should, but sometimes maneuvering can be difficult. A year or so ago, the size of the bathroom, my balance issues, and lack of picture hanging skills all collided. Quite literally. At 5:00 a.m. I knocked the picture off of the wall. The sharp metal corner went into my foot. The picture is quite heavy, and that is NOT a mess you want to deal with when you're not awake. Going from not awake to in shock isn't good either. The picture survived intact.
I eventually recovered. I have an interesting scar on my foot now. Some months later, I knocked the thing off the wall again. Fortunately I got my feet out of the way. This time, the glass shattered. My brother works for a photographer and reglazed it for me.
This morning, I knocked the picture off the wall again. This is turning into a habit. This time, it landed on a miniature ceramic bathtub that I'd been using to keep cat toys in. The small bathtub never had a chance - it shattered. I loved that little tub. And now my oldest cat is upset. She doesn't see very well, and doesn't like it when things change.
The pictire is back up on the wall. Biding its time.
I have a picture in my bathroom. It's quite nice - an undersea series of colorful, interesting fish in a very sturdy metal frame. But I'm not very good at hanging pictures. And I sometimes have balance issues. Especially when I first wake up.
My bathroom is 6x6. Amazingly, everything fits in there that should, but sometimes maneuvering can be difficult. A year or so ago, the size of the bathroom, my balance issues, and lack of picture hanging skills all collided. Quite literally. At 5:00 a.m. I knocked the picture off of the wall. The sharp metal corner went into my foot. The picture is quite heavy, and that is NOT a mess you want to deal with when you're not awake. Going from not awake to in shock isn't good either. The picture survived intact.
I eventually recovered. I have an interesting scar on my foot now. Some months later, I knocked the thing off the wall again. Fortunately I got my feet out of the way. This time, the glass shattered. My brother works for a photographer and reglazed it for me.
This morning, I knocked the picture off the wall again. This is turning into a habit. This time, it landed on a miniature ceramic bathtub that I'd been using to keep cat toys in. The small bathtub never had a chance - it shattered. I loved that little tub. And now my oldest cat is upset. She doesn't see very well, and doesn't like it when things change.
The pictire is back up on the wall. Biding its time.
An Observation
My mind wanders when I type. Dictation can be sort of mindless, if you've been taking it from the same person for as many years as I have.
Today it occurred to me that legal documents can be a LOT like The House That Jack Built. Especially corporate documents. "Said governing bodies being the governing authorities of the municipalities which incorporated this Authority that ate the malt that lay in the house that Jack built...."
Okay, that was weird.
Today it occurred to me that legal documents can be a LOT like The House That Jack Built. Especially corporate documents. "Said governing bodies being the governing authorities of the municipalities which incorporated this Authority that ate the malt that lay in the house that Jack built...."
Okay, that was weird.
America. No. The Other One.
Did any one ever find out what PLANET the group America came from? I like the music, but it's best if you don't listen too closely. I mean, first of all, there's Horse with No Name. I have to agree with Dave Barry here: You're in the desert. There is nothing else to do. Name the damn horse!
America had some interesting lyrics. America also had some frighteningly bizarre lyrics, such as those in Ventura Highway. What are alligator lizards? And what are they doing in the air? Are you telling me that these things FLY? And why would you want to be outside with THOSE things out there? If you have wind blowing through your hair, I assume you're outside.
How BIG are these alligator-lizards? Would a standard screen keep them out of my house? Huge bugs are bad enough, but alligator lizards that fly would definitely keep me away from.... wherever it is they're talking about. "Alligator lizards in the air...." Well don't just stand there, guy! Call an exterminator!
Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds taught us how interesting things can become if you look at your child's drawing while on LSD. I don't know what America was on - whether it was drugs or whether they're from another planet entirely. Or maybe they were ill. Is it contagious? Can I get shots? In any case, I'm weirded out now.
America had some interesting lyrics. America also had some frighteningly bizarre lyrics, such as those in Ventura Highway. What are alligator lizards? And what are they doing in the air? Are you telling me that these things FLY? And why would you want to be outside with THOSE things out there? If you have wind blowing through your hair, I assume you're outside.
How BIG are these alligator-lizards? Would a standard screen keep them out of my house? Huge bugs are bad enough, but alligator lizards that fly would definitely keep me away from.... wherever it is they're talking about. "Alligator lizards in the air...." Well don't just stand there, guy! Call an exterminator!
Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds taught us how interesting things can become if you look at your child's drawing while on LSD. I don't know what America was on - whether it was drugs or whether they're from another planet entirely. Or maybe they were ill. Is it contagious? Can I get shots? In any case, I'm weirded out now.
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