It's been very windy here. Nothing unusual for this area at this time of year, but this morning I was listening to a neighbor's wind chimes. They were almost playing a coherent tune. It reminded me of a musical instrument thought up by children: "It's like a glass jar full of safety pins, only you can play real tunes on it".
Wind chimes sound very different in winter. The lack of humidity makes the sound clearer, and I believe that wind direction and force is more favorable. It's really a shame that in summer when we spend more time outdoors, wind chimes don't sound as nice. The air gets heavy with heat and humidity and wind and breezes that could move the chimes are scarce. People are outside, there are lawns to be mowed, weeds to be whacked, and kids enjoy their freedom. In the winter, when there's a virtuoso wind chime performance going on with no distractions, we're all inside and don't get to hear it.
Every year I tell myself that I am going to get wind chimes of my own, but I don't. The only ones worth having are too pricey for me. It isn't worth it to buy something that's only going to fall apart after you've gone to the trouble to put it up. Today, I am thinking about it again. And thinking about spending more time outdoors. To listen to the chimes.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
An Increment of Time (?)
Yesterday, I was using the web site of our Recorder of Deeds. A message came up telling me that what I had requested may take "a few moments".
All right. I can handle "moment" in the singular. It is an indefinite increment of time - a "brief period", according to the Concise Oxford. Fine. But to put a plural on that? How can you pluralize the indefinite? How do you know whether there has been more than one moment? If someone said, okay, a moment = 90 seconds, then you'd have a rough idea of how much time "a few moments" might be.
Of course, using that reasoning, I suppose I need to lodge an objection to "one moment, please", because this implies that there can be more than one moment and that the same waiting period would involve more than one moment instead of a long moment.
I'd continue this, but I've lost momentum.
All right. I can handle "moment" in the singular. It is an indefinite increment of time - a "brief period", according to the Concise Oxford. Fine. But to put a plural on that? How can you pluralize the indefinite? How do you know whether there has been more than one moment? If someone said, okay, a moment = 90 seconds, then you'd have a rough idea of how much time "a few moments" might be.
Of course, using that reasoning, I suppose I need to lodge an objection to "one moment, please", because this implies that there can be more than one moment and that the same waiting period would involve more than one moment instead of a long moment.
I'd continue this, but I've lost momentum.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
About The Avatar
Yes, I have chosen a very odd avatar. Thanksgiving traditions in our family are very different. We don't usually have the turkey dinner on Thursday. Thanksgiving was always when my dad would close up the shore, and my brother went to his wife's family, so my mom and I were usually left to our own devices and we would have our family turkey dinner on Sunday.
The first year, I remembered a line from a sitcom. I can't for the life of me remember which one, and couldn't then, but someone was talking about having a meatloaf for Thanksgiving. Molded into the shape of a turkey. Like that was the most pitiful thing ever. As a joke, I decided to do this. My mother thought it was fantastic, and I've done that every year since. Even though we no longer close the place at the shore. My mom still always begs for the drumstick.
Ten years ago, my mom had a heart attack and I inherited the Sunday family turkey dinner as well. Thanksgiving became my favorite holiday. When you love to cook, that's the ultimate. And I'd get to do two meals - the meatloaf and the actual turkey.
This year, I've been fired. My niece is allergic to cats and my sister-in-law decided that she can no longer come to my house or to my mother's. I'll still do the meatloaf for my mom on Thursday, but I'll always miss the turkey.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Childhood
Watching Mad Men from the beginning. Finding it very thought-provoking. I remember some of that time. My dad traveled a lot. At first, I remember we took him to the airport, and my mom would cry. People would have us over for dinner because my mom was alone. Eventually, we stopped taking him to the airport. And my mom stopped crying. And either the invitations stopped coming, or we didn't go. My mom was left alone during some real crises - the Hurricane Agnes flood in 1972, for example. She learned to handle things.
The periodic absences of my father really had an impact on the family. He would sometimes be away over a birthday and send me a telegram. As my brother and I got older, it seemed there was more and more to catch him up on when he came home.
He always reminded me of the Rocket Man in the Ray Bradbury story. When he was home, he wanted to be traveling. When he was traveling, he wanted to be home.
Postcards, letters and telegrams aren't the same thing as watching your children grow up. Producing presents from your suitcase doesn't make up the time you've lost.
I'm not sure which trip was the "one too many" that pushed my mom to take on both roles, but she's still a very strong, independent woman. And sometimes, that's not ideal. Now that Dad's semi-retired, she's having to learn to actually live with him,and it isn't easy.
Strange how a television show can bring all of this stuff to the surface....
The periodic absences of my father really had an impact on the family. He would sometimes be away over a birthday and send me a telegram. As my brother and I got older, it seemed there was more and more to catch him up on when he came home.
He always reminded me of the Rocket Man in the Ray Bradbury story. When he was home, he wanted to be traveling. When he was traveling, he wanted to be home.
Postcards, letters and telegrams aren't the same thing as watching your children grow up. Producing presents from your suitcase doesn't make up the time you've lost.
I'm not sure which trip was the "one too many" that pushed my mom to take on both roles, but she's still a very strong, independent woman. And sometimes, that's not ideal. Now that Dad's semi-retired, she's having to learn to actually live with him,and it isn't easy.
Strange how a television show can bring all of this stuff to the surface....
Monday, October 25, 2010
Evening At Giant - A Play in 3 Acts
Who knew going to the grocery store could be so stressful?
Act 1: I was following a guy down an aisle when a woman comes up to him, accuses him of avoiding her, and demands money. Not sure what it was about - I suspect it was some kind of child support thing. I managed to get past them, and moved on with my shopping.
Act 2: A domestic that I suspect was over a cell phone - I don't remember a whole lot of the details to that. It was very loud and occasionally profane.
Act 3: I was taking my cart out to the car through the vestibule and I hear yelling. There was a group of mostly Asian kids standing outside. Two of them were store employees. They weren't causing trouble. A woman was standing there screaming at them that they should go back to their f---ing countries and stop taking all of our jobs. And if they want to be here, they should speak the f---ing language and on and on. Her husband finally pulled her away. One of the kids was recording the incident on his cell phone - good thinking. That's the kind of woman who would claim the kids attacked her. I was afraid to go out there - I was really afraid that they'd think I agreed with her because I'm white. This is why kids turn to drugs and gangs. People like her who let them know that's what's expected. If you're going to shop in a neighborhood of mostly Hispanics and Asians, you should EXPECT them to speak other languages. It's like going to Chinatown in any US city and expecting to see all of the signs in English. I thought diversity was what this country is all about. Isn't it?
Act 1: I was following a guy down an aisle when a woman comes up to him, accuses him of avoiding her, and demands money. Not sure what it was about - I suspect it was some kind of child support thing. I managed to get past them, and moved on with my shopping.
Act 2: A domestic that I suspect was over a cell phone - I don't remember a whole lot of the details to that. It was very loud and occasionally profane.
Act 3: I was taking my cart out to the car through the vestibule and I hear yelling. There was a group of mostly Asian kids standing outside. Two of them were store employees. They weren't causing trouble. A woman was standing there screaming at them that they should go back to their f---ing countries and stop taking all of our jobs. And if they want to be here, they should speak the f---ing language and on and on. Her husband finally pulled her away. One of the kids was recording the incident on his cell phone - good thinking. That's the kind of woman who would claim the kids attacked her. I was afraid to go out there - I was really afraid that they'd think I agreed with her because I'm white. This is why kids turn to drugs and gangs. People like her who let them know that's what's expected. If you're going to shop in a neighborhood of mostly Hispanics and Asians, you should EXPECT them to speak other languages. It's like going to Chinatown in any US city and expecting to see all of the signs in English. I thought diversity was what this country is all about. Isn't it?
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
The Recipe
Ingredients: One 8-9 lb cat named Marshall who likes little rituals and routines. One neighbor who is deaf, and her VERY extended family (4 generations - between 3 and 8 people living there at any one time and they own at least four cars). Certain days the street cleaner comes -- if you're parked on that side of the street, you get a ticket. One kitty-gym scratching post by my front door. One front door comprised of 36 panes of glass.
I go home for lunch almost every day. It's a nice break from the office, and I get to spend some time with my cats. It's easier to park out front, so at lunchtime I enter and leave through the front door.
Marshall likes to jump up on the kitty-gym scratching post when I'm leaving - I call it "the kissy-place". If I tell him to go to the kissy-place, he jumps up for his kiss goodbye.
Last week, all of these things collided like the story of the Old Woman and her Pig. I was home for lunch and was ready to go back to work. I told Marshall to go to the kissy place. Just as he was jumping up, the deaf woman next door burst out of her house screaming at the top of her lungs - members of her family were outside and she wanted them to move their cars because the street cleaner was coming. That scared the life out of Marshall, who decided the kissy place was not such a great idea and went the opposite way. Through my feet. In order not to snap him in half and perhaps fall into/through 36 panes of glass, I elected to take a dive sideways onto my lounge chair. That gave my ankle one of the better twists I've had in a while. So tomorrow I get to see an orthopedic surgeon.
No moral, no point. Just seeing if I could put this story together coherently.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
It doesn't stop
Apparently, parents save up those awful, annoying things that we do as kids. Then, when we're adults, they reimagine those things into something even worse. My mother is a champ at this. First of all, she is TRULY relentless with the telephone. If I do not answer the phone, she will call the cell. If I don't answer that, she calls the house again. Believe me -- this is VERY annoying when I'm in the shower or otherwise using the bathroom.
Today was payback for "are we there yet". They were coming to pick me up. I got sidetracked weeding the yard, and when she called and asked if I was ready, I asked her to give me 10 minutes. I was getting into the shower 2 minutes later when the phone rang again (I have ident-a-ring, so yes, I know who it was!). I got into the shower. The cell phone rang. I let that go, too.
I asked for ten minutes. This does NOT mean that you call every two minutes and ask if I'm ready yet. In the time it takes to answer the phone and tell you my status, I could be making more progress in getting ready. Okay. I feel better now. Thanks.
Today was payback for "are we there yet". They were coming to pick me up. I got sidetracked weeding the yard, and when she called and asked if I was ready, I asked her to give me 10 minutes. I was getting into the shower 2 minutes later when the phone rang again (I have ident-a-ring, so yes, I know who it was!). I got into the shower. The cell phone rang. I let that go, too.
I asked for ten minutes. This does NOT mean that you call every two minutes and ask if I'm ready yet. In the time it takes to answer the phone and tell you my status, I could be making more progress in getting ready. Okay. I feel better now. Thanks.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Attack of the Killer Picture
There are a few laws of physics that apply only to me. If it is flying through the air, it will hit me in the eye. If it is falling, it will land on my foot.
I have a picture in my bathroom. It's quite nice - an undersea series of colorful, interesting fish in a very sturdy metal frame. But I'm not very good at hanging pictures. And I sometimes have balance issues. Especially when I first wake up.
My bathroom is 6x6. Amazingly, everything fits in there that should, but sometimes maneuvering can be difficult. A year or so ago, the size of the bathroom, my balance issues, and lack of picture hanging skills all collided. Quite literally. At 5:00 a.m. I knocked the picture off of the wall. The sharp metal corner went into my foot. The picture is quite heavy, and that is NOT a mess you want to deal with when you're not awake. Going from not awake to in shock isn't good either. The picture survived intact.
I eventually recovered. I have an interesting scar on my foot now. Some months later, I knocked the thing off the wall again. Fortunately I got my feet out of the way. This time, the glass shattered. My brother works for a photographer and reglazed it for me.
This morning, I knocked the picture off the wall again. This is turning into a habit. This time, it landed on a miniature ceramic bathtub that I'd been using to keep cat toys in. The small bathtub never had a chance - it shattered. I loved that little tub. And now my oldest cat is upset. She doesn't see very well, and doesn't like it when things change.
The pictire is back up on the wall. Biding its time.
I have a picture in my bathroom. It's quite nice - an undersea series of colorful, interesting fish in a very sturdy metal frame. But I'm not very good at hanging pictures. And I sometimes have balance issues. Especially when I first wake up.
My bathroom is 6x6. Amazingly, everything fits in there that should, but sometimes maneuvering can be difficult. A year or so ago, the size of the bathroom, my balance issues, and lack of picture hanging skills all collided. Quite literally. At 5:00 a.m. I knocked the picture off of the wall. The sharp metal corner went into my foot. The picture is quite heavy, and that is NOT a mess you want to deal with when you're not awake. Going from not awake to in shock isn't good either. The picture survived intact.
I eventually recovered. I have an interesting scar on my foot now. Some months later, I knocked the thing off the wall again. Fortunately I got my feet out of the way. This time, the glass shattered. My brother works for a photographer and reglazed it for me.
This morning, I knocked the picture off the wall again. This is turning into a habit. This time, it landed on a miniature ceramic bathtub that I'd been using to keep cat toys in. The small bathtub never had a chance - it shattered. I loved that little tub. And now my oldest cat is upset. She doesn't see very well, and doesn't like it when things change.
The pictire is back up on the wall. Biding its time.
An Observation
My mind wanders when I type. Dictation can be sort of mindless, if you've been taking it from the same person for as many years as I have.
Today it occurred to me that legal documents can be a LOT like The House That Jack Built. Especially corporate documents. "Said governing bodies being the governing authorities of the municipalities which incorporated this Authority that ate the malt that lay in the house that Jack built...."
Okay, that was weird.
Today it occurred to me that legal documents can be a LOT like The House That Jack Built. Especially corporate documents. "Said governing bodies being the governing authorities of the municipalities which incorporated this Authority that ate the malt that lay in the house that Jack built...."
Okay, that was weird.
America. No. The Other One.
Did any one ever find out what PLANET the group America came from? I like the music, but it's best if you don't listen too closely. I mean, first of all, there's Horse with No Name. I have to agree with Dave Barry here: You're in the desert. There is nothing else to do. Name the damn horse!
America had some interesting lyrics. America also had some frighteningly bizarre lyrics, such as those in Ventura Highway. What are alligator lizards? And what are they doing in the air? Are you telling me that these things FLY? And why would you want to be outside with THOSE things out there? If you have wind blowing through your hair, I assume you're outside.
How BIG are these alligator-lizards? Would a standard screen keep them out of my house? Huge bugs are bad enough, but alligator lizards that fly would definitely keep me away from.... wherever it is they're talking about. "Alligator lizards in the air...." Well don't just stand there, guy! Call an exterminator!
Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds taught us how interesting things can become if you look at your child's drawing while on LSD. I don't know what America was on - whether it was drugs or whether they're from another planet entirely. Or maybe they were ill. Is it contagious? Can I get shots? In any case, I'm weirded out now.
America had some interesting lyrics. America also had some frighteningly bizarre lyrics, such as those in Ventura Highway. What are alligator lizards? And what are they doing in the air? Are you telling me that these things FLY? And why would you want to be outside with THOSE things out there? If you have wind blowing through your hair, I assume you're outside.
How BIG are these alligator-lizards? Would a standard screen keep them out of my house? Huge bugs are bad enough, but alligator lizards that fly would definitely keep me away from.... wherever it is they're talking about. "Alligator lizards in the air...." Well don't just stand there, guy! Call an exterminator!
Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds taught us how interesting things can become if you look at your child's drawing while on LSD. I don't know what America was on - whether it was drugs or whether they're from another planet entirely. Or maybe they were ill. Is it contagious? Can I get shots? In any case, I'm weirded out now.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Just How Stupid Do You Think I AM???
Just got out of the grocery store. Heard this quiet voice saying "Ma'am?" (not a good way to get my attention). I looked up and a very scruffy man in perhaps his early 30's was standing there. "Could you please give me a ride to North Duke Street?" To my credit, I did not make a horrified face, nor did I explode with the "YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING!" that was echoing through my head. I told him that I was going in the opposite direction. For once, it actually was the truth -- but I would have said that either way. Right. Like I am going to let a stranger into my car to go Godonlyknows where!!
Last Saturday, I had another visit from an electric company. Since PA deregulated, the electric companies have been going as berzerk as the phone companies did when Ma Bell was broken up. Some man I had never seen before came to my door and demanded to see my electric bill. NO!!! You do NOT get to see my electric bill! I don't care HOW great a deal you think you can give me. How do I know what you will do with the information on that bill? He had an answer to all of my excuses not to produce my electric bill and let him do his thing -- I finally had to come out and tell him that I liked things the way they were and I was not interested. I did not, but wanted to, add "thank you. Go away."
Every now and then, a local drug rehab sends their inmates out to sell desserts door to door. NO! I am NOT buying food from people who are recovering drug addicts. I'm sorry, but I'm not THAT trusting. I will make a donation in my own time in my own way. Please don't give me food for it.
I think of myself as a Christian, but that does not mean that I am stupid about my own safety.
Last Saturday, I had another visit from an electric company. Since PA deregulated, the electric companies have been going as berzerk as the phone companies did when Ma Bell was broken up. Some man I had never seen before came to my door and demanded to see my electric bill. NO!!! You do NOT get to see my electric bill! I don't care HOW great a deal you think you can give me. How do I know what you will do with the information on that bill? He had an answer to all of my excuses not to produce my electric bill and let him do his thing -- I finally had to come out and tell him that I liked things the way they were and I was not interested. I did not, but wanted to, add "thank you. Go away."
Every now and then, a local drug rehab sends their inmates out to sell desserts door to door. NO! I am NOT buying food from people who are recovering drug addicts. I'm sorry, but I'm not THAT trusting. I will make a donation in my own time in my own way. Please don't give me food for it.
I think of myself as a Christian, but that does not mean that I am stupid about my own safety.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
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Friday, April 23, 2010
Some Work Rants - Receptionist
Our receptionist is not always the easiest person to work with. She has a quick temper, an attitude that could use work, and a tendency to throw staplers, etc. Accordingly, I offer the following comments from e-mails to my co-workers after my run-ins with her:
From a day after a heavy snowfall:
We are listening to nothing but weather complaints down here. About how I have NO IDEA how horrible the roads were, and now she has to sit and listen to the furnace and feel the vibrations and it's NOT JOYFUL (I don't believe she would know joyful if it bit her in the butt, but anyway....)
SHE managed to make it in here on time, even though she had to use a dog team and several of the dogs were blind and one was dead and there was a snow drift the size of Mount Rushmore and she had to go straight up but she was still here at 4:00 a.m. and personally shovelled all of the local roads and some of the sidewalks wearing only sandals and a hat.
From the day after our Administrative Assistant Day lunch. For some reason, she INSISTED that we had to order the chicken panini. We still do not understand why, and refused to do so. She also has a problem with how often we use the restroom, insisting that she can't leave her desk. Even though she has MANY offers to take phones while she does so:
She wouldn't be able to play the Martyr Card which will surely get her STRAIGHT into heaven to sit at the right hand of the Almighty. :-) Wait a minute. No, she wouldn't be satisfied with the right hand. She'd want to BE the Almighty. And the Lord spake, saying, "Ordereth thy Chicken Panini, or thou shalt face my terrible wrath! I shall smite thee with office products!"
From a day after a heavy snowfall:
We are listening to nothing but weather complaints down here. About how I have NO IDEA how horrible the roads were, and now she has to sit and listen to the furnace and feel the vibrations and it's NOT JOYFUL (I don't believe she would know joyful if it bit her in the butt, but anyway....)
SHE managed to make it in here on time, even though she had to use a dog team and several of the dogs were blind and one was dead and there was a snow drift the size of Mount Rushmore and she had to go straight up but she was still here at 4:00 a.m. and personally shovelled all of the local roads and some of the sidewalks wearing only sandals and a hat.
From the day after our Administrative Assistant Day lunch. For some reason, she INSISTED that we had to order the chicken panini. We still do not understand why, and refused to do so. She also has a problem with how often we use the restroom, insisting that she can't leave her desk. Even though she has MANY offers to take phones while she does so:
She wouldn't be able to play the Martyr Card which will surely get her STRAIGHT into heaven to sit at the right hand of the Almighty. :-) Wait a minute. No, she wouldn't be satisfied with the right hand. She'd want to BE the Almighty. And the Lord spake, saying, "Ordereth thy Chicken Panini, or thou shalt face my terrible wrath! I shall smite thee with office products!"
Some Work Rants - Headlines
I actually saw these:
Princess robbed of $15.5 million Thieves ripped the safe out of the wall. Police won't say if it could have been an inside job.
(Do a lot of people keep safes outside?)
Private guards kill Somali pirate for first time.
(You mean you get to be killed more than once? How many times do you HAVE to kill them?)
Princess robbed of $15.5 million Thieves ripped the safe out of the wall. Police won't say if it could have been an inside job.
(Do a lot of people keep safes outside?)
Private guards kill Somali pirate for first time.
(You mean you get to be killed more than once? How many times do you HAVE to kill them?)
Some Work Rants - Electricity
I was talking to a person far, far, away to troubleshoot our laserjet printer. She wanted to know if we had it plugged into a plug strip or into the wall. She wanted me to try directly plugging the printer into the wall (the cord didn't reach). I gather from this that plug strips dilute electricity somehow and that printers only like pure electricity directly from the wall.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
The Twitter Haiku
Tweeting is good fun.
An exercise in control.
Somewhat like haiku.
Am I the only one who can do this? Rattle off a poem, rhyming couplets or poetry on a dime? Is it weird or what? And is it why I don't really care for poetry -- because it comes to me easily? This is an interesting question. I have never been able to write a limerick, and I do like those (Get your minds out of Nantucket!) :-)
An exercise in control.
Somewhat like haiku.
Am I the only one who can do this? Rattle off a poem, rhyming couplets or poetry on a dime? Is it weird or what? And is it why I don't really care for poetry -- because it comes to me easily? This is an interesting question. I have never been able to write a limerick, and I do like those (Get your minds out of Nantucket!) :-)
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